New Year Resolutions Funny Quotes for 2024

New Year Resolutions Funny Quotes for 2024

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As the countdown to the New Year begins, it’s that time again when we reflect on the past 365 days and set our sights on fresh beginnings. Yes, we’re talking about New Year resolutions – those ambitious promises we make to ourselves in the hope of a better, healthier, and more successful year ahead. But let’s face it, as earnest as our resolutions may be, they often fall victim to the chaos of life, leaving us with a hearty dose of laughter at our own expense.

In the spirit of embracing the lighter side of our self-improvement endeavors, we’ve compiled a collection of New Year resolutions funny quotes that will not only tickle your funny bone but also remind you that sometimes, a good laugh is the best resolution of all. So, grab your party hats, raise a glass, and join us in ushering in the New Year with a healthy dose of humor!

New Year Resolutions Funny Quotes

  • Order every drink on the Starbucks Menu.
  • Flamingo a friend’s yard for their birthday or an anniversary.
  • Perfect your charcuterie board skills.
  • Write your own Instagram captions.
  • Stop drinking your morning coffee AFTER you brush your teeth.
  • Celebrate Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas, in July!
  • Exercise…your right to Taco Tuesday!
  • Host a chicken party!
  • Stop blaming my farts on the dog.
  • Wine down the day with a glass of vino…oh, wait, you’ve already perfected that resolution.
  • Treat your car to regular disco carwashes.
  • Be on a first name basis with your regular Door Dasher.
  • Perfect your favorite celebrity impression.
  • Spend a night ending each and every sip of your drink with an enthusiastic, “Ahhhhh, baby!”
  • See how many times you can watch your favorite series back to back, in one year, without getting bored of it.
  • Bring up your enneagram number any chance you can and get friends to find out their number.
  • funny new years resolutions
  • Nora Carol Photography
  • Join a “buy nothing” group on Facebook and trade up to see how big of an item you can get.
  • Keep gum or mints in your purse and be the friend that always has them to offer after meals.
  • Start a meme account.
  • Work “Time will tell” into conversation at least once a week.
  • Stay in more interesting Airbnb’s (treehouses, teepees, Airstreams, etc.)
  • Drink your coffee while it’s hot
  • Got a little “junk in the truck?” Find out what’s in there…literally: see what treasures are hiding out in your car’s trunk.
  • Throw a penny in the mall wishing well, every time you go (and get rid of all those pennies in the process).
  • Host a Sunday Supper for your friends at least once a month.
  • Learn the “Thriller” dance by Halloween
  • Rearrange your kitchen…yet again.
  • Break your New Year’s Resolutions…and don’t feel guilty, one bit!
  • I don’t call them New Year’s resolutions. I prefer the term “casual promises to myself that I’m under no legal obligation to fulfill.”
    Jim Hunt
  • I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
    Anaïs Nin
  • My New Year’s resolution was to stop saying “You go, girl” to myself.
    Zach Galifianakis
  • My wife challenged me to make New Year’s resolutions I can keep. So I’m determined and committed to becoming fatter, lazier, and older this year.
    Jon Clark
  • Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
    Mark Twain
  • I set out a box of donuts at work today just to see how many New Year’s resolutions I could mess with.
    John Wagner
  • You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time [my New Year’s resolution is] I’m only going to dread one day at a time.
    Charles M. Schulz
  • Dieting on New Year’s Day isn’t a good idea as you can’t eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.
    Helen Fielding
  • I decided to break all my resolutions early, so I can start enjoying the rest of the year.
    Glen and Gary McCoy
  • New Year Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
    James Agate
  • May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
    Joey Adams
  • New Year’s resolutions work like this: you think of something you enjoy doing and then resolve to stop doing it.
    Charlie Brooker
  • Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck with it ever since.
    Dave Beard

Why Poeple Make New Year Resolutions

The tradition of making New Year resolutions has been around for centuries, and people engage in this practice for a variety of reasons. Here are some common motivations behind the tradition of setting New Year resolutions:

Fresh Start and Renewed Motivation:

The beginning of a new year symbolizes a fresh start, providing individuals with a psychological clean slate. It’s an opportunity to leave behind the challenges and shortcomings of the previous year and approach the coming months with renewed motivation.

Reflecting on the Past Year:

The transition from one year to the next naturally prompts reflection. People take stock of their achievements, failures, and areas for improvement over the past year. This introspection often inspires the desire to set goals and make positive changes.

Cultural and Social Influences:

Societal and cultural norms play a significant role in the tradition of making resolutions. Media, social networks, and conversations around the New Year often focus on self-improvement, creating a collective atmosphere that encourages individuals to set personal goals.

Setting Personal Challenges:

Humans are naturally driven to improve themselves. The act of setting resolutions is a way for individuals to challenge themselves, whether it’s to break bad habits, adopt healthier lifestyles, or pursue personal and professional growth.

Hope for a Better Future:

Making resolutions is an optimistic act that expresses hope for a better future. It’s an acknowledgment that positive change is possible and that individuals have the power to shape their destinies by making conscious choices.


In conclusion, as we embark on another journey around the sun, the tradition of making New Year resolutions persists as a powerful and positive force in our lives. While the road to achieving our goals may be paved with good intentions, occasional detours, and a healthy dose of humor, the act of setting resolutions serves a deeper purpose than mere tradition.

As we laugh at the irony of our well-intentioned promises and share a collective chuckle over the unpredictability of life, let’s not lose sight of the genuine aspiration for personal growth that underlies the resolution-making process. The New Year provides us with a unique opportunity to reflect on the past, embrace the present, and look forward to a future filled with potential.

So, whether your resolutions are met with resounding success or serve as a gentle reminder of your humanity, remember that the journey matters as much as the destination. As we navigate the twists and turns of the upcoming year, let’s continue to strive for self-improvement, embrace the lessons of each day, and find joy in the pursuit of our goals.

Here’s to a year filled with laughter, resilience, and the unwavering determination to make the most of the opportunities that come our way. Happy New Year!